Seeing all sides of an issue doesn’t always seem like a gift. I’m better at coping with situations, and I can get along with most people even if I’m not crazy about them. I’m grateful that I almost never direct my anger outwardly. If there’s any anger at all, I keep it inside until it passes or distract myself with writing. When someone needs to hear someone I tell them, but to me, I have to be willing to risk the possible consequences. Will I stand my ground if my “honesty” leads to very hurt feelings?

This is why I don’t discuss politics, or religion, or anything I don’t 1000% believe in. And it’s impossible for me to 1000% believe in most things. An open mind means questioning what many never question their whole lives (and a part of me envies those who are happier for it). Maybe I’m not an atheist, but I’m not sure which religion I’ll end up subscribing to for the rest of my life – if I pick one at all. I received Communion, made Confirmation, all before I really thought about what I was signing up for. How are kids supposed to decide what religion they want to follow? Two of my friends were brought up Catholic, went to Catholic school with me, but now refuse to label themselves as such.

Politics drives me crazy, simple as that. If I ever come across a law that drives me to stand up and fight, sure, I’ll rally the troops. I’ll even support a cause that moves me. Most of the time though, I’m more concerned with the day-to-day. I’m thinking about the company I work for shutting down, the MRI I’m going for soon, Mother’s Day gifts, what my friends and I should do this weekend. I don’t want to upset myself by getting into a “healthy debate” with someone who won’t change his or her mind anyway. My friends are very liberal and I don’t always agree with them, but I won’t try to burst their bubbles just for the hell of it. In a way it’s nice to see them so enthusiastic even if I don’t share their enthusiasm.

(I’m aware of the election but don’t want to support anyone. Do I have to vote?

…yeah, yeah, civic duty, I get it…)

My chronic ambivalence has led to a “to each their own” philosophy. I support LGBT mainly because it’s none of my business. I mean, why not? If two consenting adults love each other, have at it. The transgender bathroom issue has me scratching my head more than anything else. I wonder if I would even notice a transgender person walking into a public bathroom with me. Usually I’m busy, you know, running for a stall. I can’t say I’ve looked around at other people much before going in.

I think way too much.


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