Lost Summer

I finally realized how much I’m missing because of my operation. It’s the middle of July and I haven’t gone anywhere other than physical therapy. Sure, I’ll go hang out at someone’s house, but it’s not the same as getting ready for vacation. My paternal realitives are packing for their annual vacation and for once, I won’t be going with them. Of course this year they choose Atlantis in the Bahamas. I keep telling myself it’s no big deal because I’ve been there already (ten years ago with my stepfather’s family), and I wouldn’t have been able to do much anyway thanks to my knees. Even before surgery I wasn’t getting around well. 

I often think about what this summer would have been like if I didn’t get surgery. I’d be driving my car, finally, and going on countless job interviews. So maybe it wouldn’t have been a fantastic summer anyway, but at least I’d be packing for the Bahamas right now. And I would be going places with my friends instead of having them over my house. 

Times like these I remind myself that I’m having these surgeries for a reason. I want to walk without worrying about my kneecaps popping out. That’s going to be a pretty big difference. Already the operated knee feels stronger than my other knee. (Though it’s worth mentioning my other leg feels stronger too because of all the exercising.) Even if I’m still going on job interviews next summer, I’m looking forward to walking without fear. This will give me confidence to go out – instead of staying home because I “can’t walk that much.” Hopefully next summer will be the best one yet.

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